15 Tips to improve emotional regulation

1| Talk To Yourself In A Supportive Way

When we’re constantly berating ourselves, we get caught in a downward spiral of negative emotions and self-doubt. However, when we talk to ourselves in a supportive way can improve our emotional regulation and resilience. 

When we treat ourselves with compassion, we’re more likely to bounce back from setbacks and feel better in general. So, the next time you start to criticize yourself, try to say something supportive instead.

2| Awareness 

There are actually two types of awareness that can help you build your emotional regulation skills. 

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence. It helps you recognize, label, and process each emotion you experience. A lot of people don’t have the vocabulary necessary to label their emotions so start by exploring the feeling. Where do you feel it manifesting physically? Is it in your head, stomach, or heart? Explore it so you can label it, but also take the time to grade it because emotions are felt at varying intensities. This will help you regain a sense of control. 

Identifying your emotions is one of the biggest benefits of developing self-awareness. What’s going on in different areas of your body? Once you explore this, investigate further to identify the trigger, as well as how you would describe it. 

Sometimes, the process will be straightforward, but other times it won’t be. For example, you are passionate about a certain subject, and you see someone you love making light of it on social media. You think you feel angry, but after investigation, you realize it’s a disappointment. Or maybe there is anger there, but there is an underlying feeling that accompanies that anger, perhaps it is disgust or maybe it’s betrayal. The more emotions at play, the more challenging the process, but it is worth it. Just remember to do this with a mindset of curiosity rather than approaching it in judgment. 

Mindful Awareness 

This is a grounding exercise that encourages you to focus on five things with your sight, four things with your touch, three things with your ears, two with your nose, and another with your tongue. It’s a way to calm your system while you identify what’s going on. 

3| Reframing 

This is also known as cognitive re-appraisal, and it simply means that you try to look at the situation from a different perspective. Its most common form is taking a negative situation and trying to reframe it more positively. 

4| Self-Compassion 

Self-compassion is another way of describing self-kindness because it is simply about showing yourself kindness. You should set aside time for yourself every day, whether it’s to go running, sit quietly, read a book, or just enjoy your favorite snack. Learning to speak positively about and to yourself is an important part of the process, and you can use a gratitude journal as a reminder of the incredible things in your life. 

5| Adaptability

When you struggle with emotional regulation it might be because you can’t understand what it takes to adapt to the situation. That makes a lot of people nervous about trying to change, but through objective evaluation, you can learn to be more adaptable. 

Think about someone you know well and love. Imagine them experiencing what you are feeling and going through and think about the advice you would offer them if the situations were reversed. You might be surprised by how much better you cope as a result. 

6| Practice Mindfulness

When we are able to be more present and aware of our emotions, we can manage them more effectively. We may be better able to understand why we are feeling certain emotions, and how to best deal with them. This can lead to improved resilience, as we are better equipped to cope with challenging situations. 

7| Resist Judgment 

While it was noted earlier, approaching your emotions without judgment is important enough for its own moment. You experience anger, and as a result, you feel shame. Why would you feel ashamed about having a natural anger response?

Anger can feel irrational. It can feel like an outsized response to whatever you’re dealing with. It’s small if you compare it to what some other people are going through. But that’s why you shouldn’t make comparisons because you are allowed to experience your emotions. So, when you are working on regulating your emotions, do it without judgment. 

8| Find The Message

It’s worth taking the time to understand what your emotions are trying to communicate to you. Your emotions are useful to you, when you turn into them you learn to recognize your needs and you can act on those observations and adapt. 

There is a major difference between acting on those observations and acting on the feeling itself. If you were to constantly act on your feelings, the outcome would probably be poor. 

Those emotions might drive you to react to your partner or to say unkind things to your colleague or boss. This is more about investigating your emotions to find information that helps you cope with those emotions rather than encouraging you to act on them directly. So, when you are experiencing an emotion, ask yourself what it’s trying to tell you. 

9| Hit The Snooze Button 

Have you heard of couples who hit a pause on arguments so they can take a break from the intense emotions and get themselves together before they continue? That’s what this is. Ultimately, you won’t be able to hit the snooze button every time you are faced with an uncomfortable emotion. But there are cases where you can. 

So, once you have taken a moment to label the feeling and accept it rather than pushing it aside, you can hit snooze. It simply means recognizing it and setting it aside to address later. If you’re dealing with a small emotion, it won’t take up much of your time to resolve. But for those more intense or outsized emotions, there might be a lot of work involved to address it. 

10| Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions

When you’re used to suppress your emotions, it can be tough to know how to deal with them when they finally come out. Instead of bottling up your emotions, it’s important to find healthy outlets for them. 

Talk to a trusted friend or family member, journal, or participate in a creative outlet like painting or writing. Expressing your emotions in healthy ways can help you to better understand and regulate them, making you more resilient in the face of challenges.

11| Develop Strong Relationships 

This can be a challenge because when you struggle with emotional regulation, it can negatively impact your relationships. But building strong relationships with your friends, family, and co-workers is an important step. 

Strong relationships widen your perspective. Those relationships often alter how you see yourself and the world around you. As social creatures, humans take strength from those around them and use that strength to endure, evolve, and overcome issues. And that is a key part of developing emotional regulation and building resilience. 

So, work on deepening your existing familial and platonic relationships. Look at building new relationships. Consider how you can improve your professional relationships. In doing so, you improve your ability to communicate and relate to others, which are key skills in developing emotional regulation and resilience. 

12| Distract Yourself From Rumination

Rumination is defined as repetitive negative thinking about the past or future, and it can lead to a spiral of negative emotions. However, rumination is a normal part of the human experience, and it’s only when it becomes excessive that it can become problematic. There are many different ways to distract yourself from rumination, but some of the most effective include exercise, journaling, and spending time with loved ones.

Exercise releases endorphins that can improve your mood, journaling allows you to process your thoughts in a constructive way, and spending time with loved ones can help you to feel supported and connected. All of these activities can help to break the cycle of rumination and improve emotional regulation and resilience.

13| Embrace The Positivity 

When you are dealing with overwhelming emotions, you need to kick negativity out and engage in positive self-talk. Don’t kick yourself or anyone else, inject compassion and empathy into the situation and find ways to be encouraging. It’s a quick way to mitigate those overwhelming emotions. Be frustrated if that’s how you feel, but don’t assign blame. 

You can also look beyond negative emotions to find some positive ones. It’s easy to give into those negative emotions, it’s easy to seize on shame, sadness, anger, and disgust. But it’s powerful to choose gratitude and contentment because you have to reach through a torrid wave of negative emotions to find those quieter positive ones hiding in the back.

14| Find Balance

Emotional regulation and resilience are the trajectories of a normal functioning person who experiences a moment of adversity. It’s a delicate balance, and it’s one that you develop between your emotions and how you allow them to impact you and your life. 

There are plenty of different ways you can achieve perfect balance in life. 

• Maintain a daily schedule that outlines your responsibilities and assignments so you can organize your day and act accordingly. 
• Keep a list of priorities and make a note of where your partner(s), children, family, self-care, social life, work, etc. fall in order. Don’t worry, your children and partner can share a line if it’s too difficult to choose or if you want to avoid hurt feelings.
• Revisit your priorities often and rearrange them as required. For example, you may have a heavy weak of deadlines where work has to take priority over everything else, but the rest of the time, work may be much lower. It’s okay to change it up as the demands of life shift and alter. Commit yourself to give your highest priority items quality time. 
• Be an active, open, and honest communicator with your partner. Be open to discussing the rollercoaster that is your life and be willing to confront problems head-on instead of trying to escape them. 

15| Spend Time In Nature         

According to a study done by the University of Sussex, time spent in nature can have a profound impact on our mental health. The study found that people who spent two hours a week in nature were significantly more likely to report good health and higher levels of psychological well-being. 

Furthermore, the study found that time spent in nature can help to improve emotional regulation and resilience. This is likely due to the fact that time spent in nature helps to reduce stress levels and promote relaxation. In addition, time spent in nature can also help to increase self-esteem and feelings of connectedness.

Practice Makes Perfect

It probably sounds like a lot. It is. But the more you do it the better you will become. Eventually, it will become second nature. Believe it or not, those people who had parents with strong emotional regulation skills, grew up modeling those behaviors and do it without much thought. 

You just came to it later in life and as a result, you need to condition yourself to make it a habit. The more you do it, the deeper you will instill these skills. 

Resilience refers to a person’s ability to cope with difficult situations and overcome adversity. Emotional regulation is a key component of resilience. This refers to a person’s ability to manage their emotions effectively, especially in times of stress.

Individuals who are emotionally resilient are able to regulate their emotions in a healthy way. They are able to identify their feelings, understand how these feelings impact them, and manage them in a constructive way. This allows them to better cope with stress and adversity.