Did you know what you wanted to be as a kid? You probably had dozens of dreams and aspirations lined up.
How about now as an adult? Are you doing any of the things that were on your original list? Probably not.
According to a study published in the journal of Social Forces, only 6% of us actually end up working in the careers we wanted when we were kids.
Why?
Because we have to get money to put food on the table, pay rent and utilities, and everything else we need to live. If that means working a job, we hadn’t planned on growing up, then so be it.
So, how do you bring yourself back to that place of hope and happiness? How do you follow your true desires while still being able to provide for your family?
Here are 10 tips to help you find your true desires and bring order and peace to your inner self.
Establish Your Priorities
Get a sheet of paper and a pen, then sit down somewhere quiet. Then, ask yourself: what do you need the most out of life?
Is it your family? Is it your romantic relationship? Money? A secure job? Maybe something else entirely?
It can be tricky figuring out your priorities because we lead hectic lives. We’re always busy, rushing off somewhere, or held up doing something. We don’t have time to think.
If you’re unsure about which aspects of your life need more attention, you can speak with a life coach or a therapist. There are also various free assessments online that can help identify which parts of your life are helping you find your true desires and which are holding you back.
Put Yourself First
How can you bring order to your inner self if you’re always sacrificing your time and energy for other people? It’s time to be selfish and put yourself and your needs first.
We know this is one of those things that’s way easier said than done. But if you put your mind to it, you can do it and finally start your journey to finding your true desires.
Ask yourself this: if you weren’t tied down by family, work, and other responsibilities, what would you be doing at this very moment?
Write down your answer on a piece of paper and hang it up on your dresser, bathroom mirror, or your desk. It’ll help you remember to try and be a bit more selfish each day.
Don’t Feel Bad
You probably got excited about being selfish and then started to feel bad a second later, right? Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
Yet, you must remember that putting yourself first doesn’t mean turning your back on the people you love or quitting your job! It simply means setting aside some much-needed me-time every day.
After all, if you don’t start caring for yourself, no one else will.
Start with taking only 10 minutes for yourself. Then, you can read, do yoga, and listen to the music that you want to listen to.
You can also just sit there and do nothing but breathe. This is what the experts call ‘mindfulness meditation.’ It’s a great way to bring your focus inward while also learning to be present in the moment.
Find Out What Makes You Happy
Write down what piques your interest. What do you like to do for fun? Make a list of your likes and hobbies.
Do you notice a common theme? For example, do most of them revolve around nature? Helping others? Art? Building things from scratch?
Narrowing down your points of interest can go a long way in helping you determine what your true desires are.
Here’s another example: say you feel content when you’re in the kitchen cooking. But do you feel the same way when you’re hosting a dinner party? So, is it the cooking that makes you happy or the social aspect?
Either way, you could sign up for a cooking class just for fun. This way, you get to learn more about something you enjoy to add more contentment to your life.
Work Out What Bothers You
Figuring out the things you don’t like is just as important as knowing what you like.
Do you know what this means? It’s time to make another list.
This time, write down 5–6 things that bother you. Try to be specific and write down as many details as possible.
Here’s an example. You don’t like your desk job. Why exactly?
Is it because your boss is constantly micromanaging everyone in the office? Is it because of your crazy workload? Nosy colleagues? Meaningless title?
Being specific can help you get to the bottom of what’s really bothering you. Only then can you start fixing the real problem and lead the way to a more productive lifestyle.
Embrace Your Fear of Failure
Fear of failure is being aware mentally and emotionally that you may not succeed at something. Too much will hinder your progress, and too little won’t motivate you enough to try.
So, case in point, being afraid to fail is a good thing, as long as it’s in the right amount.
Studies show that nearly 75% of entrepreneurs fail within their first 10 years. The ones that make it to year 11 are the ones who are still willing to take the chance.
They’ve learned to accept their fear. Not only that, but they’ve learned to take advantage of it because fear makes you more present and alert. They help sift through the goals worth fighting for and help you move forward to achieve them.
Learn to Forgive
We all have people in our lives who’ve wronged us in some way. We hold on to the anger, shame, and sadness for years on end, but nothing changes.
Yet, many people don’t realize that keeping those feelings bottled up stands in the way between you and your desires. This is partly due to people not really understanding what it means to forgive.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting them off the hook, justifying what they did, or even restoring your relationship. It simply means moving on and, more importantly, setting yourself free.
Show Gratitude
Gratitude is when you’re content with the things you don’t have. You know in your heart that their time hasn’t come just yet, and you’re okay with that.
Like forgiveness, gratitude is another thing that also happens within you. You don’t have to preach it to everyone you meet. It can be writing in a journal each day about the things that fill your heart with joy.
Turn this into a habit, and you can unleash yourself from the bondage of bitterness and resentment. With practice, you’ll be able to change your perspective to take in all that’s good in your life rather than focus on only what’s missing.
Try New Things
How will you discover your true desires if you’re not out there trying new things each day? You can’t!
However, many of us approach the unfamiliar with tons of trepidation. This is, in fact, our brain’s doing because in trying to keep us safe, it’s also keeping us away from the unknown. Unfortunately, it also slows down our progress.
So, why not look at it this way? Everything you now know was once new and unfamiliar as well. This includes things like walking, driving, and grocery shopping. Then, there are all the hobbies and skills you’ve acquired along the way.
Those were once outside your comfort zones, too.
Stay Positive
Life isn’t always a straight path. Many times, it won’t go as planned, and you won’t like it.
However, successful people know how to roll with the punches. They adapt quickly because they’ve accumulated various skills that allow them to land safely on their feet whenever there’s a bump in the road.
They also believe that detours are just life’s way of letting you know you have options. See the opportunity in every bend by reframing how you see change and failure.
Remember, some of the wealthiest and most successful people became that way because they didn’t let failure affect their self-confidence. They embraced change, learned from their mistakes, and kept their heads high until the storm was over.
