Improve Your Feelings of Being Deserving
There is nothing more important in this world than how you think and feel about yourself. The relationships you have with you should be your highest priority in life. When you have confidence in yourself and feel good about your abilities in life, you will expect good things to happen to you as well as that you deserve happiness and success.
Building and supporting your sense of self and learning to value and appreciate you and your many gifts is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Learning to feel as though you deserve happiness and success in life will open the doors to more positive things happening to you and allow you to create the life you have always wanted.
Keep reading to explore what it means to feel worthy, including how you should be measuring your self-worth. We will explore the true measure of your value in this world as well as supply some concrete ideas to help you if your self-worth is lacking.
What It Means to Feel Worthy
At some time or another and with varying degrees of certainty and universality, most people struggle with feeling as though they are unworthy or deserving of happiness or good things in their life. While some grapple with this feeling only related to specific events or needs, others feel this way their whole lives about pretty much everything positive that happens to them.
Feelings of worthlessness or undeserving stem from inner conflict, past trauma, and lack of self-esteem. These emotions convince you that you have done something wrong in your past, that all the bad things people have said about you are true, or that you have not done anything to deserve good things to happen to you.
You may not even be aware of these thoughts that are continually determining worth, whether it is yours or someone else’s. This inner dialogue is always running in the back of your mind, and unless you pay attention to it, you may not know what it is saying to you and how it is influencing how you feel as well as how you behave.
Learning to feel worthy and deserving in your life is the only thing that will allow you to achieve your goals and achieve your dreams because, unless you think you deserve these things, you will always miss opportunities that are necessary for manifesting your destiny. How do you create a life you want if you do not feel you truly deserve it? Simple. You can’t.
Regardless of your spiritual or religious beliefs, there is one crucial thing that you must understand if you ever hope to feel like you deserve to succeed in your life. There is no magical or universal formula that figures out who is and is not deserving of fulfillment. By being born, by existing as a human being and taking part in the world, you deserve those things and are worthy of the pursuit. After all, what other purpose do we humans have than this?
You are the creator of your destiny. You figure out what is and is not important in your life, what you value, and what you want to achieve. And you determine whether you deserve to have those things. No one else. Just you.
When you consider the idea of worthiness, what usually comes to mind? Do you think some people do not deserve to be happy because they are poor? Do you think people do not deserve joy because they made mistakes in the past?
Do you think that once someone has messed up or failed, they deserve to be punished for that mistake forever? If you do not believe that about other people, then why should you believe that about yourself?
Others in your life can try to make you feel unworthy. When they do this, when they try to put you down and make you feel that you do not deserve success or happiness, this has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. They are transferring their own negative opinions and self-beliefs onto you, which is not your problem.
Measuring Your Self-Worth
When it comes to actually knowing your own self-worth, most of us struggle with how exactly we should measure that. And using the wrong measures can lead to severe problems in your life. For example, if you based your feelings of self-worth solely on your achievements at work, then what value does your personal life have? And when you are focused on your accomplishments, you stop taking risks that could lead to failure, as well.
Each of us has a specific idea of how to measure self-worth as a human being. When you are happy with how you measure up, your confidence is high, and you have high self-esteem. When you feel like you have fallen short of the measure, your self-worth lowers, and you lose confidence in yourself.
Do you even know how you define your self-worth? Do you know what your measure of success or worthiness is? While you may know that when you feel deserving and when you do not, you may not be aware of precisely what you are using to form those conclusions.
There are some common measures of self-worth that people use that are, unfortunately, unhealthy in the long run. See if any of these sound familiar to you.
1| Your Career
Many people in our society define themselves by their careers. When asked to describe themselves, they will often lead with their profession. If you consider what you do to be who you are, then your career and professional accomplishments may be your measuring stick for defining your self-worth.
When you base your feelings of deserving on your job, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. There are many things that can interfere with your career that are outside of your control, including health issues or changes in the economy or job market can change your position at work quickly while leaving you struggling to redefine who you are. Many people struggle with retirement for this very reason. You should be able to feel deserving and worthy regardless of your job title.
2| Your Financial Health
There are many people who use their financial success or independence as the measure of their worth. They focus on getting more money, which they use to buy more things which they think will impress other people or make them feel whole. Some people create a false image of their financial health to others while incurring significant amounts of debt. And in the end, none of this makes them feel good about themselves.
Goods and services have a monetary value. You as a human being do not. No matter what you own or how much money you have, these things cannot possibly describe your value to yourself or others. And the possessions in your life will never be able to help you feel worthy.
3| Your Social Circle
You may be depending on the other people in your life to give them value. This includes valuing the praise or love you receive from others as measures of your success or happiness. You may also be surrounding yourself with famous or influential people, thinking that this somehow influences your own worthiness.
If you feel valuable when you have lots of activities and things to do with other people, then you may be using your social network to fuel your sense of deserving.
When you use other people to help improve or measure your sense of worth, you are giving away control over your own life and happiness. You can’t possibly control other people, how they feel about you, or their own personal issues.
Also, it is always impossible to please everyone in your life all the time. When you base your sense of self on other people, you will always be seeking the positive reinforcement that you need to feel good about your life and as though you deserve.
4| Your Accomplishments
You may also define your worth by that you have carried out in your life. Your skills, business ventures, degrees, or awards are all part of who you are, but are they what you are worth? If you like to share your latest achievements with others, think a great deal about your past successes, or tend to dwell on times when you have failed, this could be how you are basing your self-worth.
When you focus on what you can or have done in the past, you are often less able to recover from setbacks or failures. Basing your feelings of deserving on your accomplishments requires that you continue to replicate success and achievement, which can become challenging to maintain over time.
5| Your Appearance
Finally, some people focus their feelings of deserving on their looks. This includes using their weight, their wrinkles, their gray hairs, or their hairline as measuring sticks for their worth to themselves and others. Your ability to garner attention with your appearance is a common measuring stick for many people, and media and advertisers consistently reinforce this notion.
Beauty, as they say, is not just about how you appear on the outside and using your looks as a yardstick for your self-worth can lead to trouble. We all age, and our looks change over time. And sometimes, your appearance undergoes dramatic changes that are beyond your control. This does not make you less deserving of happiness or praise, though.
6| The Best Measure of Self-Worth
How you choose to measure your worth is crucial to your long-term happiness, and when you decide to base this assessment on things that are outside of your control, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Be clear with yourself about how you are measuring your self-worth, and if it is any of the above methods, it is time to rethink that strategy.
Knowing who you are and what is important to you are the keys to measuring your self-worth and being happy with yourself. Basing your feelings of deserving on who you are deep down will help you to keep peace with yourself and enjoy more happiness throughout your life. When you focus your worth on who you are at your core, your self-worth is still stable over time and is not affected by the whims of other people, world events, or the effects of time.
Who you are deep down in your heart is what is most important in this world. And when you start to understand this and use this as the foundation for how deserving you feel; you will focus your life on the things that really matter.
It Is You Who Determines Your Feelings of Worth
You will experience a lot of events in your life and interact with thousands of people. Whether these situations and interactions are positive or negative, whether they leave you feeling fulfilled or not, is entirely up to you. It is not the events or people that make the difference. The difference is you.
Whether circumstances or events color your self-confidence, well-being, mood, or emotions depends on you. Other people do not affect you. What influences you is the meaning you give to that person’s actions or words. What changes you are not the circumstances but the meaning you give to those circumstances.
How you determine meaning depends on your past experiences, your beliefs and values, your existing mood, and your current needs. For example, if you are very hungry and come across a taco stand when you are walking to an appointment, you may think, “Hey, isn’t this lucky! I’ll grab a bite to eat.” But, if you come across that same taco truck after just getting fired from your job at a restaurant that is closing because of low sales, your reaction may be different. You may assign an entirely different meaning to the presence of that truck.
If you do not get the reaction you expect from an interaction with someone else, you can assign many meanings. You could think that that person is a jerk, that maybe they are having a bad day, or that maybe they do not remember you.
Or, you could also assume that whatever was off about their interaction with you was your fault. Maybe you are not interesting enough, maybe they dislike you and just want to ignore you. Perhaps you have done something to offend them. The facts are the person behaved differently toward you than usual. The meaning you assign to this is entirely up to you.
When your response is to blame yourself, assume you have done something wrong, or to at once start judging yourself in every situation in life, the chances are high that you are struggling with your feelings of worthiness.
12 Ways To Improve Your Feelings of Worth
If you find that you are struggling with feeling worthless or insignificant in your life, then you are ready to focus your time and energy on improving your self- worth. Learning to feel more worthy is something you can accomplish if you put your mind to it and engage in the right personal development work. Here are some of our favorite strategies for improving your feelings of worth and learning to feel more deserving in your life.
1| Stop Asking the World to Validate You
If you really want other people to see your worth and understand your value, then you must start valuing yourself first. No one can recognize your contributions or worth when you yourself cannot set how deserving you are. You must stop looking to other people and the rest of the world for validation of your worth. You must rely on yourself and your knowledge and belief in your own abilities and strength to tell you that you are worthy and deserving.
2| Pay Attention to your Thoughts
Your thoughts may not always be the most reliable source of information. If you are having doubts about your worthiness, then it is your thoughts that are feeling these insecurities. Your mind is distorting what you believe about yourself, feeding your feelings of worthlessness. When you catch yourself feeling as those you do not deserve happiness, ask yourself what evidence you have to support these notions. What have you done that makes you worthy of this assessment? Remind yourself of your worth, of your value and contributions. Remember that you are enough.
3| Say to Yourself What You Want Others to Say
When you find yourself looking to others to validate your choices or worth, turn inward instead. When you long for others to tell you that you are valuable or essential, tell yourself those words instead. Start telling yourself all of the things you long to hear from others, the things that you know are true but have trouble acknowledging. Become your own best friend, and remind yourself regularly of your contributions, value, and worth. Do not wait for others to say it; say it yourself.
4| Unplug
The next time you are feeling undeserving or worthless, try disconnecting from the world in order to connect with yourself. Spending time alone where it is quiet and you can think gives you the necessary opportunity to reflect on your thinking, consider your own value, and reconnect with the most important person in your life- you. Let go of the distractions and noise of the world and tune in to the one voice that matters most- yours.
5| Examine Your Circle
The people with whom you spend the most time play the most significant role in coloring how you perceive and feel about yourself. Whether they are aware of it or not, your circle of friends, family, and acquaintances can be supplying fuel for your insecurities and doubts, treating you in ways that tell you that you have no value or worth to them. Look carefully at your circle to see if others are treating you in ways that make you feel as though you do not deserve happiness.
The people in your life should lift you up and rejoice in your success. They should make you feel positive and confident. Examine how you feel when you are around the people with whom you spend the most time. Are there certain friends or loved ones who consistently rob you of your confidence, make you feel belittled?
If so, these are people you should consider cutting from your life or, at the very least, minimizing your contact with. You should focus on spending time with others who love and support you as well as people who love and value themselves. They will serve as useful models for learning to feel more deserving yourself.
6| Treat Yourself with Kindness
There is enough in the world that delivers disappointment and heartache. There is no reason to treat yourself negatively, as well. Learn to treat yourself kindly, to let go of and forgive your mistakes and flaws. Do not succumb to negativity that you offer up, because the world will already provide you with enough. It does not need any help.
7| Get in Touch with Your Dreams
When you acknowledge your deepest desires and wishes in life, you declare to yourself that you are worthy and deserving of happiness. Living a life that is in line with your dreams can help you feel deserving of success. If you find there are things in your life that are interfering with reaching your goals, then make some changes.
Start making decisions that help you get closer to realizing your wishes. Once you cut negative influences in your life and start replacing them with things that are more positive, you will begin to feel more confident and deserving of happiness.
8| Practice Self-Acceptance
One of the critical elements of learning to think that you are worth and deserving of happiness and success is learning to accept everything that makes you unique and special. There are positive and negative things about everyone, including you, and learning to value these as what makes you unique and special is important for embracing your worthiness.
Self-acceptance means that you love yourself, not in spite of your imperfections but because of them. Accept the good and bad and learn to appreciate how each of these traits makes you the person you are.
9| Take Responsibility for Yourself
When you accept and love yourself, you embrace responsibility for your life and decisions. By accepting that you are in charge of your destiny and future, you can learn to create the life you want and know that you are deserving of that accomplishment. Stop blaming others, making excuses, or procrastinating action on improving your life. Take it by the reins and start making a difference today to being achieving your dreams tomorrow.
10| Dress the Part
If you are currently basing some of your feelings of self-worth on your appearance, then turn that habit to your advantage. If you want to feel powerful and in charge of your life, then dress the part! Create the image of the person you want to be, and you will start to become that person. Dress powerfully, so others know you are in charge.
Show your confidence in your appearance, and you will start to feel more confident on the inside. You are not dressing to impress others; you are dressing to impress yourself. Look in the mirror and know that you are master of your domain and go out there and start getting what you want.
11| Treat Yourself
This is not about being materialistic or drowning your sorrows in retail therapy. This is about taking care of yourself and showing yourself just how valuable you are. When you are questioning your self-worth, treat yourself to something that shows you that you are indeed special and deserving of special things.
If you are not into material possession, then treat yourself to an experience that you enjoy, but take some time to invest in your self-care, and you will start to feel like you are worth the effort.
12| Stop Being a Victim
There are plenty of people who assume that the reason nothing good ever happens to them is because somehow the universe is out to get them. They are a victim of life, and they, therefore, have no control over their fate. Well, we know that’s nonsense, right? You are not a victim.
You are in control of your life and your future. You have the ability to make changes, to create opportunities, and to change the course of your existence. No one is stopping you. You are not a victim of anything except your own mind. Once you learn this and accept it, you will start to feel more deserving of everything good that happens to you.
Final Thoughts
The most important lesson we hope you take away from this is this- no other person or experience in this world has the ability to determine your self-worth. If you want to find your value in life, you only need to look within.
The world is full of examples of people who have more than they could ever need and are still miserable, people who have accomplished the highest pinnacles of their field and still feel unworthy of praise or recognition.
When you realize that you have enough and are enough in this world, then you will realize just how rich and deserving you are of all the happiness you can want or need.
Stop looking outside of yourself and turn your gaze inward. Inside you is the key to unlocking your self-worth and realizing just how deserving you are of everything you could want in life.
