5 Key Reasons Why We Judge Ourselves

We’ve all been there—saying things to ourselves like “I’m such an idiot” or “I’ll never be good enough.” Whether it’s after a mistake at work or a personal setback, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-judgment. But why do we do it? And more importantly, how can we break the cycle?

There are a few different reasons why we tend to be so hard on ourselves. 

1. For one, we live in a society that is constantly telling us that we need to be better. Whether it’s ads that tell us we need to buy the latest fashions or social media posts highlighting our friends’ “perfect” lives, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap and think that we’re just not measuring up.
   
2. Another reason we’re quick to judge ourselves is that it’s a way of deflecting responsibility. If we view ourselves as being at fault, then we don’t have to face up to the fact that there might be something wrong with our relationships or our lifestyle choices. It’s easier to believe that we’re the problem than it is to change our circumstances.
3. It can be a result of ego, self-importance, or self-esteem. High self-esteem drives expectations about your performance and that can motivate you to challenge yourself consistently and thus lead to better results. But it can also breed perfectionism which is an impossible expectation to live up to. Perfectionism is unrealistic because nobody is perfect. The gap between expectation and reality can lead to anxiety, depression, deep disappointment, and anger. 
4. There is also a form of self-judgment that is based outside of reality. It’s a form of mental manipulation. Someone with a high ego is prone to testing reality by comparing themselves to other benchmarks, like peer performance or historical results. When someone is concerned about their identity, they may use self-judgment to put themselves down in a bid to protect their ego later. 
5. Another cause of self-judgment comes down to a fear of failure or rejection.  This self-judgment can be a form of self-protection. This does tie into perfectionism a bit because if you’re terrified of a poor result, self-judgment can be a way to discourage yourself from acting. And if you don’t act, you can’t fail.

If we believe that we’re not good enough, then we’re less likely to put ourselves in situations where we might fail. This might seem like a good strategy in the short term, but in the long run, it only leads to feelings of frustration and resentment.

Remember that you are not your mistakes or your failures. You are so much more than that. So cut yourself some slack and give yourself a break—you deserve it! While we will provide tips below to help you address your self-judgment issue, the first step is recognizing your situation.

You need to understand why you’re in this situation and that there is work required to overcome it. You might not realize the power of objectivity, but adopting an objective perspective will help achieve a sense of calm which will be useful to you on this journey. 

Examples Of Self-Judgment 

If you’re having a difficult time nailing down some self-judgments in your own life, these examples may help get your creative juices flowing. People who are used to engaging in self-judgment often have a lack of confidence, they are particularly harsh on themselves and hesitant to take action. 

An accomplished professor with vast experience in his vocation attends a conference with colleagues from all over the world. Despite their impressive credentials, he is, by far, the most accomplished aside from the speaker. 

Yet, when it came time for the Q&A session, he was unable to come up with a great question. The reason? He spent the entire conference so focused on how poor his questions were that he missed the talk entirely. Self-judgment undermined him. 

A dentist has fallen slightly behind her colleagues in technical knowledge because she was off sick for an extended period of time after a difficult bout of COVID-19. She hasn’t yet attended the same courses to update her techniques. They are on her schedule, but in the meantime, she feels left behind. 

Self-judgment has paralyzed her even though she hasn’t had a need to use any of the new techniques. Just hearing her colleagues discuss them was enough to cause her to undermine herself.